this is a 100% real story from my life. i have changed the names. this story ends very nasty with adult themes, please be advised.
it was a cold day in november. it was rob's birthday. someone says that they bet we can make a hot tub by throwing down a tarp in a truck bed, filling it with water, and heating it with one of those electric charcoal grill heaters.
predictably, it did not work. luckily, it did not hurt anyone. but the "hot tub" was still made, why throw the water out now? it was florida but still a pretty cold day for the climate. a few brave volunteers dived in. word came in that another friend had an actual hot tub at his parent's house. so they figured why not hitch a ride to the real hot tub in the mobile one?
what followed was as a horrifying ordeal for everyone involved. i drove my own car behind them. like 5 or 6 floridans in bathing suits in cold water in the bed of a small pickup truck while traversing town. taking wide turns in the neighborhood they quickly ran into the first obstacle: speed bumps.
upon traversing the first bump, most of the water was dumped out immediately and the riders sent flying, slamming back down on barely lined steel. the bumps did not get better but soon there was a new obstacle.
they were driving down the center of the road as it was usually a pretty calm neighborhood. suddenly sirens are wailing and a cop car speeds down the street the other way, also in the middle of the road. the two cars meet head to head and both sit there, baffled by each other's presence and expecting the other to move. the siren wails. probably the most confused pig in the world eventually pulls around the side of the stopped truck and keeps hauling ass past me.
the ride only got worse from there. suddenly we were on city streets, with other cars and tight turns. and every time they did turn, i watched as people clung to the sides and each other to try to keep from being thrown overboard into the street. i guess the water that was still left was making it very hard to stay put. i could only try to stay behind them but not so close that i could hit anyone spilling out.
miraculously, they made it unharmed, albeit shivering. but the glorious hot tub awaited. and they enjoyed the shit out of that hot tub. for a little while anyway. vince got a little too friendly with one of the jets. he sat directly on top of it and let it fill him up.
i am too much of an indoors cat to actually get into hot tubs so i was luckily well clear of what happened next. vince figured out he can fill himself up, stand up on the edge of the hot tub naked, bend over, and BLAST water out of his ass like some kind of dolphin or whale.
he did this a number of times and got some practice. i am not fucking kidding when i say he could blast water out of his ass 15 feet (like 4.5 meters). he tried to spray rachel with some asswater but the setup was too elaborate and obvious for her to not move.
footage existed of this incident as a shitty, tiny resolution video from a friend's palm pilot phone. but much like palm smartphones this moment was ephemeral, beautiful but fleeting. the video was soon lost to time.
i haven't spoken to anyone there in a long time but i know that moment lives within them too. how could we ever forget :)